She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
