Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
