just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
