yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
