i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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