If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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