Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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