Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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