I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Farmville is her only friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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