This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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