She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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