omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
