I'm really into asian looking animals
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
