If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
