JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
