So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
