When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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