Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
