If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
