why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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