do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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