So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
