So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I smell stomach acid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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