How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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