Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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