i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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