There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
