1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
