Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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