Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
