That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
