Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
