I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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