we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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