hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
