i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
