I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
