Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
