Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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