Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
