Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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