Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize