fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
