Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
