Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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