Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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