im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
