OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
