have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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