so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
