I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize