I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Operation Purity has been aborted
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Congratulations! We have a period
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize