he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
