We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
