i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
