Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he thought i was a dude.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
