He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize