You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
