Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
