I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
