If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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