the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
