Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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