Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
