How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got inside last night via doggy door
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
