he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
