you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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