Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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