Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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