I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need water and some morals
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize