His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
