Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
