Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize