well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
